The Art of Letting Go

I’m teetering on the edge of February and something big.

I’m about to go on sub for the second time.

For those who don’t know, going “on sub” means my book is about to be sent off to editors at publishing houses. Eeeee! On one hand, it’s SO exciting. This story I’ve spent over a year with is finally going to have its shot and be in the hands of people who could make it become a book. Not that it’s not a book already, but you know. The kind that you can pull off a shelf.

But it’s also scary. I’ve been on sub before, so while that has eased some of my worries about what to expect, it has sprouted new ones. My first book didn’t sell. It came close a couple of times! My agent and I did everything right. The editors that read it were lovely, some even offering kind feedback and asking to see what I write next. But, it still didn’t sell, and despite all the optimism in my heart for this new book, I can’t help but hear a whisper in the back of my skull telling me the same will happen. And it might, even if everything in my heart tells me that this book will be it.

So, that’s why I’m writing this blog. Because when we throw everything we have into something for months and are able to control the turn out until all of a sudden we can’t and it’s out of our hands, well, that can be a rough wake-up call. But like with everything, there’s a time to step back and realize we’ve done all we can for it. 

It’s the art of letting go. 

Sub is tricky, because of course you don’t want to completely let go. You’re still thinking about your book a lot, checking in with your agent about it, and generally hoping for the best. But for me, I have to hold it at an arm’s length. I can’t let it and the characters take up real estate in my brain anymore. I have to make space for something new.

I think letting go starts with coming to terms that you might never get to go back to it. Which is Not A Happy Thought, but helps cut ties. And besides, it’s still your book. If you get struck with inspo down the line to go back to it, no one is going to stop you. 

But for the sake of this blog and learning to let go, that’s step one. Realizing that the more you think about sequel books, or riff off scenes, or create random side characters for irrelevant subplots (yes, I do all of this and more), the more you’re hindering yourself from building something new. 

I’m guilty of this. I can paint pretty much an entire world around every book I’ve ever written, with prequels, sequels, and alternate plots to match. So I’m not saying don’t indulge yourself, because it’s fun and you should have fun. But don’t be afraid to dip your toes into something new.

Except, what if you don’t know what that something new is?

Guilty again. Finishing a book always leaves me in the dark. I have ideas, but which idea is the right one? This gets more complicated the further along you get in the process, too. Because suddenly, I’m thinking about things like “Is this marketable? Is it too weird?” And for those of us still waiting on a book deal, there’s a darker thought: “Will this end up just like my other books?”

Here’s the thing about the art of letting go–It’s not just about letting go of your previous book. It’s about letting go of all your expectations. Both from yourself, and those preconceived from everything around you.

It’s a process. After all, you just spent months fine-tuning your book to be just right, and now you’re starting from scratch and not supposed to care? Well, yeah. Because here’s the thing. What matters most, like the skills you gained writing your last book, will transfer over. You might not realize it, but starting this new draft, your writing will already be better than it was when you started the first draft for your other book. You’re improving.

But you’ve got to leave the other stuff at the door. The worries of getting it just right. First drafts are the only time you really get to have fun with your book in a raw, unfiltered kind of way. Why would you deprive yourself of that exploratory phase? Why did I?

No more. From now on, as I release my book from the clutches of my heart and send it on its way to editors with heaping amounts of hope, I’m also releasing myself from the expectation of writing the perfect next thing. I’m letting go of perfection and the fear of getting it wrong. Whatever I write next, I’m going to have fun. I’m packing it with my favorite tropes; the things I’m most hungry to see in books and a main character that is so different from everyone I’ve written yet. Boy best friends because there simply aren’t enough of them on shelves in a school that is unlike any I’ve read before. And it’s going to be good because it’s coming from my heart. The nice thing is, I can always make it great later. 

And I promise, so can you.

As for my book going on sub, I’m not saying goodbye. Just see ya later ✌️